I was thinking today about all the stereotypical high school things that you always see in movies or tv shows. You know, things like "go to prom" "go to a high school party" "have a boyfriend." I did pretty much none of this in high school and because of that, I have a lot of regrets. However, I did go to my senior prom...and it was awful.
You see, I had not gone to my junior prom because no one had asked me but both of my friends had gone so I was left alone that night feeling lame and lonely. I vowed to go to my senior prom, even if it meant going alone. I couldn't let this momentous, high school moment pass me by. As prom season started to roll around, I started to panic realizing I still did not have a date. Luckily, a friend of mine (who I was actually not even close with at the time due to something petty) hooked me up with her boyfriend's friend. I knew who the guy was because my high school was very small (I'm talking like 400 kids total) but I'd never spoken to him.
When our senior trip to Disney World rolled around, my friend told me that the boy was planning to ask me sometime during the trip. I suddenly got so nervous. I dreaded the moment that he was going to ask me to prom. He wasn't even an intimidating boy; he was tall and lanky with bright red hair and an affinity for classic rock. We both knew we were going to go to prom together, all he had to do was ask. And yet, there I was, avoiding the moment at all costs. Every night my friend would tell me how he had planned to ask me that day in some extravagant way, with cupcakes or candy, but continuously lost his nerve. As our trip grew closer to the end, I knew the moment was coming soon and I began trying even harder to avoid him. When the night came around that my friend told me he wanted to ask me, I began running and hiding throughout the sports themed hotel. It was funny and also incredibly embarrassing and immature. Gosh, I feel bad even thinking back on it. Finally my two close friends got me to sit down on some lawn chairs and he finally approached me. His hands shook as he mustered up the courage to tell me he thought I was pretty and if we wanted to go to prom together. Here I was avoiding this boy because of my own nerves when he was probably far more nervous than me. I said yes and we exchanged numbers and then he walked away. Suddenly everyone started finding out that he had asked me and they all wanted to know the details and every time someone would come up and ask about it I would sink into my chair and go bright red because I didn't have some great story to tell, I had an incredibly awkward and embarrassing one. But I had to admit, I was beyond happy that this nice boy was taking me to prom and I cherished each moment of attention that I received that night.
I wish I could sit here and say that prom turned out to be a magical moment. That me and this boy had a great time dancing and getting to know each other and that maybe it ended in some magical kiss, but none of that happened. My table consisted of me and my date, my friend who I was still on rocky terms with at the time and her boyfriend and this girl that no one liked and her date that no one knew. My best friend was too wrapped up in her date, some boy that she had been secretly going home with after school for months and had not told me about, but that's a whole other story. I spent half the night running over to her table asking her to save me from the awkwardness that was my own only to find that she was too busy staring at her date like he was a god. However, my date was great. He spent the whole night trying to get me to get up and dance by embarrassingly dancing in front of me. I'd blush and tell him I didn't want to. In fact, he was the best date anyone could have asked for and I was the absolute worst. I sat there the whole night feeling like a clown in my huge dress, refusing to dance. Eventually he got me up to slow dance which was...well...still not magical at all. He drove me home that night and confided in me that he was worried I had not had a good time or that it was his fault and I was overwhelmed with guilt. I had been the worst date ever.
So in the end, prom was not magical at all. It was absolutely nothing like I expected. I didn't spend the night dancing with my date and my friends and laughing and taking pictures. But I do consider myself lucky for having the best date ever and I wish I could go tell him how much he meant to me that night. I couldn't have asked for a nicer boy. I wish I had been more of the person I am now back then. In the last few years I've learned to care less about what other people think and I like to think I'm less uptight and reserved. If I could go back, I would have talked to that friend who I was not really talking to at the time and we would have danced together and I would have danced like a fool with my date. Honestly, I think if I had been more friendly with him, we would have turned into something more than just a prom date. I missed out on a lot of opportunities in high school, I really did.
I guess this post is a little depressing. Yes, I do regret a lot about what I did (or didn't) do in high school, but I also have some amazing memories from it as well. After all, high school is such a small part of my life and if anything, reflecting on it has made me realize that I need to stop being scared to really live my life. I am 20 years old and I don't want to keep seeing my life flashing before my eyes. Time to start living xx
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